This post may just end my career as a Pastor’s Wife. Oh wait, it’s a Calling, not a career so…
1) When you call her on Sunday mornings to ask if your kids can come over (while you go grocery shopping), the silence you hear before she speaks, is her attempt to maintain her composure and not say ‘ARE YOU CRAZY!’
She loves you and your children and will gladly offer a helping hand in times of need. She left her cozy bed and her family to come to your aid at 1:00am when your daughter threatened to run away. She prayed and cried with you when you were considering throwing in the towel on your marriage. She even allowed you to live in her modest home for six weeks rent free while you saved enough money to move into your own place. Know that she loves you, cares for you and would go to great lengths to exemplify the love that Jesus has for you. She carries your burdens to the heart of Christ in her prayers, but she is not your babysitter and she is definitely busier than you are on a Sunday morning!
2) When you hear someone sharply and loudly whispering the following, “Don’t ask me again! It’ll be over when he’s finished preaching!” – It’s probably your Pastor’s wife addressing her own children.
Of course it was her idea to have the children stay in “big” Church and not go to children’s small groups. Just remember, when she has this type of lapse in judgement, it’s your opportunity to see that her children are just as crazy as yours. Her three boys piled into their stinky minivan packed with bulletins, food for the homeless, children’s church stuff and two extra boys from the neighborhood. She also had to go through the same litany of commands you did before leaving the house.
“Leave all nerf weaponry at home, go back inside and change your shirt because you have worn that shirt three days in a row. No you cannot wear your soccer cleats, go and find your shoes. Do not do “parkour” on the Church! Lastly, remember why we gather, we are going there to worship God and enjoy each other.”
3) When your Pastor’s wife is setting up to serve the weekly meal that she and other women spent their morning preparing for their homeless friends in the park, do not curse her out because she may go all ghetto on you!
She may seem mild mannered and saintly but she is no whimp! Where she was raised disrespect is not tolerated even if the perpetrator forgot to take his meds! As they said in her hood, don’t start non, won’t be non! (for those of you who were not raised in her hood, the word that’s missing in the aforementioned phrase, is “trouble”) She will patiently bear with all of your quirks and is very forgiving and non judgmental, knowing that she has many quirks and many sins of her own. But curse her out when her hormones are out of wack and it’s 1991 all over again! (Those were the days before she was your Pastor’s wife and having a ‘come to Jesus moment’ meant something entirely different.)
Keep her on your heart and in your prayers. She may need you to ask how you may help her or pray for her even though she seems well able to handle everything that comes her way. Understand when she does not answer your emails nor return your phone calls right away, she may be counseling the teenager she has taken into her home to keep the young lady from going into “the system”. When she says no to you and your family she is saying yes to someone elses family or imagine this, to her own family.
Know that you may not be privy to why she makes certain decisions for her family and when there are no good reasons to be found, please extend grace because she too is made of clay. Before you criticize her, confront her or walk away from her company remember, she is in great need of your love, patience, acceptance and assistance. Churchleaders.com says that Pastor’s Wives are the most vulnerable people in your Church. Remember you are on this journey together.
Until next time…Fly high and dazzle ’em!
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“Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. ~ Galatians 6:1-3 The Message Translation