3 Things Your Pastor’s Wife May be Too Sweet To Tell You

Reserved for the Pastor's Wife

She probably doesn’t need this, she parked 45 minutes ago…

This post may just end my career as a Pastor’s Wife. Oh wait, it’s a Calling, not a career so…

1)  When you call her on Sunday mornings to ask if your kids can come over (while you go grocery shopping), the silence you hear before she speaks, is her attempt to maintain her composure and not say ‘ARE YOU CRAZY!’

She loves you and your children and will gladly offer a helping hand in times of need.  She left her cozy bed and her family to come to your aid at 1:00am when your daughter threatened to run away.  She prayed and cried with you when you were considering throwing in the towel on your marriage.  She even allowed you to live in her modest home for six weeks rent free while you saved enough money to move into your own place.  Know that she loves you, cares for you and would go to great lengths to exemplify the love that Jesus has for you.  She carries your burdens to the heart of Christ in her prayers, but she is not your babysitter and she is definitely busier than you are on a Sunday morning!

2)  When you hear someone sharply and loudly whispering the following, “Don’t ask me again! It’ll be over when he’s finished preaching!” – It’s probably your Pastor’s wife addressing her own children.

Of course it was her idea to have the children stay in “big” Church and not go to children’s small groups. Just remember, when she has this type of lapse in judgement, it’s your opportunity to see that her children are just as crazy as yours. Her three boys piled into their stinky minivan packed with bulletins, food for the homeless, children’s church stuff and two extra boys from the neighborhood. She also had to go through the same litany of commands you did before leaving the house.

“Leave all nerf weaponry at home, go back inside and change your shirt because you have worn that shirt three days in a row.  No you cannot wear your soccer cleats, go and find your shoes.  Do not do “parkour” on the Church! Lastly, remember why we gather, we are going there to worship God and enjoy each other.”

3)  When your Pastor’s wife is setting up to serve the weekly meal that she and other women spent their morning preparing for their homeless friends in the park, do not curse her out because she may go all ghetto on you!

She may seem mild mannered and saintly but she is no whimp!  Where she was raised disrespect is not tolerated even if the perpetrator forgot to take his meds!  As they said in her hood, don’t start non, won’t be non!  (for those of you who were not raised in her hood, the word that’s missing in the aforementioned phrase,  is “trouble”)  She will patiently bear with all of your quirks and is very forgiving and non judgmental, knowing that she has many quirks and many sins of her own.  But curse her out when her hormones are out of wack and it’s 1991 all over again!  (Those were the days before she was your Pastor’s wife and having a ‘come to Jesus moment’ meant something entirely different.)

Keep her on your heart and in your prayers.  She may need you to ask how you may help her or pray for her even though she seems well able to handle everything that comes her way.  Understand when she does not answer your emails nor return your phone calls right away, she may be counseling the teenager she has taken into her home to keep the young lady from going into “the system”.  When she says no to you and your family she is saying yes to someone elses family or imagine this, to her own family.

Know that you may not be privy to why she makes certain decisions for her family and when there are no good reasons to be found, please extend grace because she too is made of clay.  Before you criticize her, confront her or walk away from her company remember, she is in great need of your love, patience, acceptance and assistance.  Churchleaders.com says that Pastor’s Wives are the most vulnerable people in your Church.  Remember you are on this journey together.

Until next time…Fly high and dazzle ’em!

~The Ringmaster

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Live creatively, friends.  If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. ~ Galatians 6:1-3 The Message Translation

14 thoughts on “3 Things Your Pastor’s Wife May be Too Sweet To Tell You

  1. This is GREAT! As a former Pastor’s wife, I understand in part (not being a 1st lady, I can’t relate completely, but I totally get it!). Pastor’s wives need more help, grace, love, than folks imagine. People think they are perfect, or that if they don’t respond to them that they are ignoring the members. I think you start to see how self-centered folks can be sometimes, they forget that there are many other families and people you must attend to as well in the ministry. Anyhow, you perfectly stated many things I’m sure many pastors wives wanted to share with others, but haven’t. It’s important to remember NO one is perfect, and a pastors wife is doing her best, just like everyone else is. 🙂

  2. Right on, Tracey! Remember, if you need to bend someone’s ear, we might be politely giving you space to be you…and need to be told that you are ready for some one-on-one coffee time. We don’t want to overwhelm you, so there is a need for you to let us know…ya know? So go ahead and initiate when you are ready. And if you’re not…we won’t make you feel guilty by asking if you’ve got time. But you know you are loved, right?

    • Absolutely Becky! You guys are the most loving group of friends and congregants a Pastor’s Wife could ever have and yes, as always, I would love to have coffee with you. This post is my loving way to help people understand that their Pastor’s Wives are human, flawed, and often extended far beyond what they may ever know. Even though She/I may not always ask for your help and prayers (although we certainly should) we are in need of your prayers and grace. LOVE YOU BECKSTER!

  3. We in the church often put the pastor and his family on a pedestal. And when their humanity shows up we get offended. I loved your blog because you presented a snapshot into the life of a pastor’s wife. Not to mention all the times the family has had to come second to the needs of the congregation. Thank you for this article.

  4. Love you too, Tracey 🙂 And you’re a GREAT Pastor’s Wife!!! BTW…I forwarded this on to another Pastor’s wife, who enjoyed it too. Thanks!

  5. If my husband ever told me he was going to quit building houses and go to seminary, I think I might pass out. But I have three close friends who are all pastor’s wives, and if I have learned anything from them it is that we are all just people. I love, love, love your authenticity. And I appreciated the fact that I’m not the only one who has had to remove weapons from my kids’ possession before getting in the car to head to church.

    • Uh – ooh Kim – you said that out loud! I don’t know about you but, every time I say I’m terrified about XY or Z, I am unknowingly at W! Loved your blog post last week by-the-way. I had forgotten to wash my children’s uniforms for school that week and your post helped me to walk in grace and keep it movin’!

  6. I thought about that as soon as I hit the post comment button. Oops! Does it count as out loud if it’s typed on a computer? I’ll let you know if my hubby ever tells me to prepare to be a PW (after I’m done screaming and crying and practicing my kickboxing on him of course.) Thanks for the compliment on the grace post. I am always messing something up and in need of grace.

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